I am enthusiastic about learning new cultures, religions, cults and fundamentalisms. It all makes good reading, while I fade off to sleep. The stories always help me enrich my own dreams, adding a little spice if you like, to make them exotic to my usual experiences.
Star Wars- here comes the Martian.
I however just have a few concerns about this extra-terrestrial Martian fundamentalism called FEMINISM. Practiced the way its idealised, it easily passes off as a neatly packaged cult – hell it freaks the damn balls off my yeyo, nhankire. Being the pedestrian that I am, I have not bothered to twist my brain, trying to understand the intricacies of this cult. All I know is that this Martian has landed on earth, and it’s demanding us to take it to our leader.
I am reliably informed by some fundi-colleagues that the idea is not about hating men, but about looking out for the interests of women-folk. Fair and fine I can understand that, but just like any other –ism, my concern is around the doctrine feel of the whole idea. I have often spoken of feminism as easily comparable to Nazism, simply because its an aggressive –ism, with real teeth and bites like a rabid dog. I am reminded of how some of these highly trained martial- arts experts need special permits to travel beyond borders, so too should ordinary women (and men) possessed with the spirit of this Martian.
Be logical embrace oppression.
Yes you say it’s not about hating men, or about female supremacy, blah blah, in fact it is exactly that. If I were a woman I would hate men too, in the same way biblical Joseph was hated by his many brothers. I have always had this nagging question though, how did it come to be that one species of mankind ended up domineering over the other. I won’t even waste time with the tired one about how Adam was created first and how his rib or whatever part of his body was taken to create Eve, nor any of that other half-wit biblical women-should-submit stuff no!. Today I deal with simple logic, literally the intelligence of reflex. Question: How did women come to be oppressed by men? Answer: In the same way dominant races have come to oppress weaker, or put in politically correct language “less strong” ones. So it’s a simple question of jungle law,- survival of the fittest- whoever has the biggest bite tops the food chain. Of course it makes sense to argue that we are more civilised than jungle mates, and we should act differently, but are we really? Just look around you, how many times are you oppressed in a day, at work by your boss, on the road by other motorists with bigger cars, even the weather can oppress you whenever it chooses, the list is endless, so why aren’t you hob-nobbing and caucusing to birth another -ism to fight that.
The Great Conspiracy
I know about the agenda of this Martian cult, its mission is to eliminate mankind and take over the world, I know this to be true because of secret dossiers leaked to me by turncoats that crossed over to our side. For the love of men, poor souls, I will have you all cult leaders know that actually men are not as tough as you think, and waging a war on them just wouldn’t be fair – come on guys you know am right . Men are such soft creatures, more like those crustacean French delicacies women like to order when they are not paying, rock-hard on the outside, jelly-soft on the inside. I would bet my bottom dollar that men would never survive reverse-oppression which the very thought of FEMINISM inspires. Besides is it not women who always say men never grow-up, they are simply expired children. Women then must love children, entrusting them with leadership at all levels of human governance. Looked at from another angle how can feeble “man-kind” compete with the super human strength of sustaining the pulsating pain of a ten centimetre, 60 degree angle stiletto all day just to prove a point, doesn’t matter to who.
The Gender Agenda
Without turning into some hopeless semanticist, I dare ask, whatever happened to gender activism, that other obscure concept. Studied for a whole semester in our universities, but upon graduating with distinctions most are absolutely clueless about what they just studied. To pedestrians, like me, “Gender activism” is like a coin with two heads, you throw in the air a couple of times and keep hoping that by some mathematical probability, you will eventually see the tails side. Well good luck because that’s never going to happen. Here is the comparison, though they tell you it’s about men and women, that’s some damn wool over your eyes right there, actually I think its more, it’s a whole jersey pulled over your head. Confused as it sounds I still like it, more like a vodka shot I pop into my mouth make an ugly face and pretend to enjoy it because it makes me a man. So I am going to like it because it makes me a man, that’s what real men do. In my view gender activism is a more socially palatable ideology, less samurai, more progressive and saleable on the open market, like dried food. If anything I like the fact that it is full of political promise, pretentious about addressing the needs of men, though we publicly know that’s unlikely to materialise in this millennium.
Nipples of Steel.
Here is a quiz question for those astute in trivia, – What’s the difference between a child soldier and a feminist? Well the former is brainwashed and armed with a gun to kill mercilessly, while the latter is armed with weaponising ideology, fortifying her literally with “nipples of steel”. When an enemy is in sight she only needs open her mouth and guts spill out with toxic backwash talk. You only need to even accidentally find yourself in one of these Martian spaces, for a scathing of your life- all hairs on your chest kaputt! gone. They mean what they say when they repeat that they “don’t do men anywhere else but in the bedroom”. That’s right you need to know your place when you are around them, your opinion is not required neither does it matter. Careful now, that beard of yours may just be confiscated and turned into a weave.
Ultimately both the feminist and the child-soldier are impossible to demilitarise, demobilise and reintegrate into “mainstream society”. I don’t need TB Joshua or Makandiwa to tell me that a century from now, men will be scurrying for their lives, fighting oppression, and running masculinism movements. Thank God I will be dead and gone by then. As for now we refuse more landings by these Martians, and their spirits taking over the bodies of our dearly beloved and sensible, mothers, sisters, wives, girl-friends and even small houses. On behalf of all peace loving pedestrians I recommend that one just wants to practice feminism in dubious NGO spaces with the promise of good donor funding. Girls nights out are also good spaces and afterwards neatly pack the Martian into a small-steel-pink-air-tight box when its time to re-enter the real world of negotiated existence, back home. Just my thoughts-nothing personal.
Mirara III 